明显的缺点

每个人都有自己的理想，但又有多少个人是真的能达成呢？

直到如今，我仍然未能达成我的理想。庆幸的是，我知道我错在哪，该怎么改；不幸的是，我是个非常懒散，没原则的人，没采取任何行动，没去争取。

从一个觉得自己很不错的人，现已经堕落道连自己也看不起自己的人。

我只知道，现在能挽救自己的人，只有我自己。

My life is bigger than what you had installed for me

I know I have more request than what I could currently produce, but believe it or not, my achievements is far greater than what you expect.

The reasonable or unreasonable things that I have requested you and myself today might seem like it is unnecessary and it won't show mush better result. But my small improvement today is the key for my big future.

I am different because I can see further than anyone around me, bigger than everyone around me, and brighter than anyone around me.

I might be the only person that face failure more than anyone now but it is what make me grows. And I'm definately not the kind that would let bad things block my optimism and my great views ahead.

Even my depression is yhe key to my achievements, and only I can see that.

Hmm.. I have a bad weekend this week. Not only my work production rate going down by 90 degrees, but people around me isn't making me very happy too.

I don't want to be a control freak, but the least you could do is understand me.
I guess maybe its better if I careless of you and more of my own.

Sometimes when things can't work out, we just need a time off.
We need some alone time to clear our mind and make things work our own way again. There's nothing more important than making oneself comfortable of itself.
Only throgh this way, I can live a life I want.
It's not call selfishness, it's call totally disappointment and a wake up call for myseself

相信自己

要相信自己做得到。只有这样，就算再难的事，也难不倒我；就算再令人困扰的事，也打不倒我。

Sometimes I felt as if my existance seems not matter anymore, especially when I'm here.

 Who cares?

I live for myself and my love one. I have myself that still care of my own matter, and I also have my love one that still love me and valued me.

想要更正我的人生 ， 做理想中的自己

从新排列我的人生观；

从新排列我的目标；

从新排列我的行程表；

一切一切我对自己生活和人生态度的不满我都要通通把它删除掉，

然后再以自己新的心情

排列出自己理想中的新行程表，

过自己理想中想过的生活，

做理想中的自己。

Commitments

I always thought that keeping a commitment is never too difficult, all we need to do is that we know what we want, and we can keep our commitments easily. But now then I realize that, I was wrong. It isn't easy at all. Eventhough I want something so much, it doesn't necessary mean that it will be something that can motivate me enoght to take actions with it for a consistent period of time.


If only there's a time period that I could  set my mind into doing something without a single mistakes and concentrate to the fullest, that time period has to be, need to be now.

Right now, right here is the time to get ready with myself and live my life to the fullest. No regrets should be made. No disappointments should be made. Only promises and responsibilities.

During the Chinese New Year break

I don't have wi-fi in my house back in my hometown, so I don't get to update my blog often. However, thanks to my new Blackberry, I get to upload some photos. I'm just sad that I don't get the chance to buy a SD card yet. So, there is really a very limited memory enough for me to take pretty pictures.

Before the Chinese New Year Break, I met up with my buddies. We hung out for a day in the school, lunch and tea time in Equator, because one of my buddy is leaving town the coming day. We talked and talked till we get so excited without realizing most of the people in the crowds were staring at us like we were nuts. She shared her experience as a trainee nurse with us. It was so emotional. That's when I really get to realize the courage, generosity, patience and most of all, kindness that a nurse need to own within their hearts. She shared lots of stories with us that most of the people on earth like us would never experience. It was so sad. Then it was so touching. Sometimes it would also make someone felt collapsing. There is actually impossible to use a single word to describe what they have to do to get through all those things they been through. I think the difference between us and them is that they are the one that are really dealing with life.

Words that kept on repeating on my mind after what I heard from her :

" Life is fragile. People could lost their life so easily"

" Everyone need to find a way to get rid of their pressure, to let go of the thing that could make them emotionally collapse"

" Take a walk around the city."

These words may sound familiar to most of us, but when it comes out of someone who really experience something and feel those words as they speak, it could really hit me.

Then, During Chinese New Year, I spent most of my time with my family and relatives this year. Although I might feel bored sometimes because I do not gamble and have not get involve with gamble for like five years now? I do think I spend my time to the fullest, because I am with my family.

I did go to a friend house, but not every single day.
I did hang out with my friends, but not every single day.

In my last day of spending Chinese New Year in Sandakan during the break just ended, I spend all my time with my family before 9.30pm and with friend after that till around 2pm. That sounds good to me compared to what I did for the past few years.

Then, I didn't know why I get so emotional for the smallest thing now. On that same day, I was just spending like less than one hour watching Astro channel, I saw one commercial about family. All the sudden, these tears just rush down my face. I couldn't even get a hold of it.

Overall, this Chinese New Year is the only Chinese New Year that I have spend my time to the fullest compared to my past experience.

Finally! I am done with IELTS

Wow!! I'm finally done with IELTS.

I did my speaking test yesterday. I was a bit nervous and my tongue tangled up. The examiner asked me  about weather. I really have no idea what to talk about at first. Didn't expect that coming. Then, I talked about this one time when I dove to my tuition classes after class on a rainy day. Slowly, I move on to snowy day, sunny day, and finally sandstorm. Haha! I stopped a while when there was still about a minute left, the examiner called me to go on, and that's how I end up going as far as sandstorm.

Today, I had my listening, reading, and writing test.
For the listening part, I miss out around questions. I did not realize that there is this one last page, no wonder the people talking in the CD speak for such a long time and I have no idea what's going on until the last 2 questions.

Then, there is this reading test. I think I don't get 4 to 5 questions, then including those wrong one might get 10 of them wrong.

Last bu not least, I did my writing test. I had a feeling that I am going to do really bad when I look at the paper. I would be lucky if I can get 6.0. But them, I am always aiming higher.


Now I did what I did. I did feel bad for not putting effort on the practicing part. But what's done is done. No changes can be made. Just waiting for God to do the rest.

My New Year's Resolution

1. Lose 10kg within this year
2. Get GPA of at least 3.2 these coming semesters
3. Get into UMASS Boston
4. Take Better Care of my Skin ( because I have skin like a 30 years old woman)
5. Complete my Violin Book 1
6. Get a Blue Belt in Taekwondo
7. Drink at least a liter of plain water each day
8. Eat an apple a day
9. Eat a tomato a day
10. Take more photos of my daily life


Dreams will only come true when there is a dream.

DREAM BIG!

My billion-th mistake

After few days of New Year's Holidays with my parents. I returned to my Selangor apartment and checked my results for my Fall sem of 2011.

It's been 2 weeks, so for sure that the results will be out in 14 days. 

I know I did bad, I just did not expect as bad as this. 

In my heart, I do think that one of he(one of my lecturer) hates me. 

But I also know that I am not very good in that particular subject, just did not expect this to happen. 

I hate to look backward, it makes me feel so sad and I can't live on my life to make it better with that past keep on repeating in my mind. I know that because I have been through it for my past 5 years.

 I need to look forward and move on, I just feel so sorry for my parents for having such a disgraceful kid. I think this Chinese New Year won't be my favorite.

有用的人－【小孩不笨】主题曲 


谁不希望自己是聪明的人 
谁不希望什么都能一百分 
谁能希望自己又呆又傻又愚蠢 
谁会愿意听到你真的好笨 

有些事情就是这样的残忍 
有些道路没有直通那扇门 
有些游戏结果不一定要获胜 
有些收获不在终点只在过程 

我们不会心灰意冷 
我们会给自己掌声 
我不是你想象的笨 
我也有我自己的门 
其实你不是不能 
只是你肯不肯 
给自己多一个机会 
因为我们都是有用的人 

我还有什么可以给你？ 
我不断地问自己 
我不断地想 
不断地在找寻 

我知道你一直都辛苦 
为我默默地付出 
就算流泪也不承认你哭 
我是生在福中不知福 
所以我用尽我的全部 
来告诉你我没有认输 
还有什么可以给你？ 
我的爹娘我的父母 
还有什么可以给你？ 
我的爹娘我的父母

作词：吴嘉祥   作曲：吴嘉祥

我知道对你来说 这世界有一点复杂 
我知道你肯付出 却不懂该如何表达 
我知道你不喜欢 成人世界的伪装 
我知道关于未来 你有自己的想法 
天地万物都有存在这世上的意义 
没有一个人有放弃的权利 
我会牵着你的手 但是路要自己走 
面对选择的时候 听听心底宁静的角落 
有一天我会放手 因为路要自己走 
失去方向的时候 记得抬头仰望 清澈的天空 
我知道对你来说 这世界有一点复杂 
我知道你肯付出 却不懂该如何表达 
我知道你不喜欢 成人世界的伪装 
我知道关于未来 你有自己的想法 
天地万物都有存在这世上的意义 
没有一个人有放弃的权利 
我会牵着你的手 但是路要自己走 
面对选择的时候 听听心底宁静的角落 
有一天我会放手 因为路要自己走 
失去方向的时候 记得抬头仰望 清澈的天空 
我会牵着你的手 但是路要自己走 
面对选择的时候 听听心底宁静的角落 
有一天我会放手 因为路要自己走 
失去方向的时候 记得抬头仰望 清澈的天空

我的爸妈要因为我伤心失望到何时? 而我又何时能做到不令他们失望?

很常下定决心要做很多事，但至今一件小事也未能办到。

这令自己也开始怀疑自己，是否永远都会是这样的人。

最近我又做了一件伤人的事，我伤害了我的父母。因为我让他们相信我，给予我太高的期望。我们大家都知道，希望越大，失望越大。

我答应他们我要考好，我从高一就那么答应，但从未做到。
我答应他们好多好多事，但在握印象中，好像从未做到。难怪其他孩子小学毕业后，就未曾有被父母惩罚，而我却被父母调教到十八，也未曾醒悟。而且还越来越糟糕，令他们越来越失望。


为什么我要答应他们? 为什么我要给他们希望? 因为我要他们高兴，我要他们能够以我为荣。结果我又再次糟蹋他们的希望。我真是个不孝女。上天会惩罚我吗?

歌手：许美娴 , 专辑：内疚专辑


('小孩不笨'插曲)
我不断的摸索自己，企图改变一些叹息
我知道你对我的期许，是将来眼光的抵御
你今日无助的词句，都带着明日的讯息
我知道你对我的心意，而我就是有心无力
我还有什么可以给你，我不断的问自己
我不断的想不断的再找寻
我知道你一直都辛苦，为我默默的付出
就算流泪也不承认你哭，我是生在福中不知福
所以我用尽我的全部，来告诉你我没有认输
还有什么可以给你，我的爹娘我的父母
还有什么可以给你，我的爹娘我的父母!!

寂寞

I am so use to being alone these days.

I ate my favorite meal in the whole while world- instant noodle, till I’m sick of it.

I talk to myself, like I am a freak.

I can only cry out to myself, when I feel sad.

I don’t want to feel pity of myself, but I can’t help it.

There is nobody I can rely on anymore.

There is nobody I can be dependent on anymore.

If I hope for too much, I’ll get more disappointment;

If I get more disappointed, I’ll get anger;

If I am angrier, I’m more emotional.

I can’t be emotional, because I have no one to rely on anymore.

From all and all, I learn to cherish myself more.

From learning to cherish myself more, I learn to cherish I, and myself only.

There is nobody worth relying but I, and myself.

I can only be represented by my identity.

My identity is concluded by my personal success.

My personal success can only mean it through things I own alone.

Things I can own it alone is my education, my appearance, my health, my job, my way of defining things, my own path.

Walking alone might seem pitiful, but at least we won’t get hurt by someone else, we won’t be disappointed by someone else, the only disappointment we will have is toward ourselves for having such unkind memory.  

田馥甄 - 寂寞寂寞就好

寂

寞寂寞就好

词/曲：施人诚/杨子朴
编曲：钟兴民
制作人：吕祯晃、郭文宗

还是原来那个我 不过流掉几公升泪所以变瘦
对着镜子我承诺 迟早我会还这张脸一堆笑容
不算什么 爱错就爱错
早点认错 早一点解脱

我寂寞寂寞就好 这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去 痛到 受不了 想到 快疯掉
死不了就还好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会 笨到 忘不了 赖着 不放掉
人本来就寂寞的 借来的都该还掉

我总会把你戒掉


还是原来那个你 是我自己做梦你有改变什么
再多的爱也没用 每个人有每个人的业障因果
会有什么 什么都没有
早点看破 才看得见以后

我寂寞寂寞就好 这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去 痛到 受不了 想到 快疯掉
死不了就还好
我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会 笨到 忘不了 赖着 不放掉
人本来就寂寞的 我总会把你戒掉

蔡旻佑 - 寂寞好了

寂寞，好了

作词：张天成
作曲：彭学斌

拼命的上网　闷坏的胸口让我
想大声的呐喊
我努力不放
你冷淡　你让分手就这样 我连做梦也感觉受伤
一年过了　还是一天？　计算着慌张
计程车上的音响
我们最爱的情歌
这一刻却重重击破思念的心脏 夜深了我怎么办　寂寞了谁在身旁
心情变得好复杂　想她　念她　恨她 一个人你害怕吗

细数过满天星光 说好永远不分开　多假 多假 多假
让记忆长出翅膀飞翔
心放空了　寂寞好了

坚强外表下　我脆弱　情人节开始失常
别人庆祝我却很失落 秋天过了　冬天漫长 欢愉而感伤
我们天真的勇敢 我们追求的梦想 舍不得也只能收藏旅行的时光

夜深了我怎么办　寂寞了谁在身旁
心情变得好复杂　想她　念她　恨她 一个人你害怕吗
细数过满天星光 说好永远不分开　多假 多假 多假
让记忆长出翅膀飞翔
心放空了　寂寞好了

坚强外表下　我脆弱　情人节开始失常
别人庆祝我却很失落 秋天过了　冬天漫长 欢愉而感伤
我们天真的勇敢 我们追求的梦想 舍不得也只能收藏旅行的时光

寂寞感冒全都可以好的
爱多甜　伤多痛　都释放

夜深了我怎么办　寂寞了谁在身旁
心情变得好复杂　想她　念她　恨她 一个人你害怕吗
细数过满天星光 说好永远不分开　多假 多假 多假
让记忆长出翅膀飞翔
(没有你)心放空了　寂寞好了

Looking back to my past..

It's been quite a while since I last checked-in this website. 

There are something I miss. They are the old post that I had deleted few months back then. Those are words that grown up with me for the past few years. Since 2007, when I returned from the States, a little something light up my life, and that's when I start my own blog. Then, there is always happy and sad things going on, which made my life 'less boring'. I miss all those words and comments. Only if I could recover any of those, I would be glad.

However, I'm sure I would feel very embarrassed reading them over again, but a person should never forget their past. Only then they will learn from it and make a better future.

Writing this straight from my heart, reminds me of the sweet comedy I watched recently-

那些年，我們一起追的女孩 ( You Are the Apple of My Eye)

It is actually a real life story. It's about a guy writing a novel about his past. How he met his first love and how his buddies and him courting the same girl . How they went from being nothing to do with each other, to ambiguous of each other, but never end up together as they come to their adulthood. They girl end up marrying another guy. One misunderstanding make such difference. But everyone is happy for the girl. 

I think that's the reason how he is able to write such a good novel?

A little lesson I learn from this novel, never let go of what's in front of me that I love and cherish so much. 

and also

Try to be happy for someone else if you really do care and love them.

At least that's the message I learn from this movie.


I added some YouTube clips from you tube playing the songs from the movie. The original one and the keyboard version played by V.K.(the version I like best among all keyboard players I have seen playing this song)



The original version:

The V.K. keyboard version: